


Steamed Cats

by RieWiggles



Category: Fallout - Fandom, Fallout 3, Fallout 4, The Simpsons
Genre: Brotherhood of Steel - Freeform, Diamond City, Dugout Inn, Meme, Steamed Hams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 17:56:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13686825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RieWiggles/pseuds/RieWiggles
Summary: A parody of the meme from The Simpsons: Steamed Hams, but with Maxson and Danse.





	Steamed Cats

**Author's Note: I’m trying to fix things up to make this shit better, but in the meantime, my damn urge to keep typing up new shit is still in play. I would say I’m still rusty. I’m heckin’ rusty.**

* * *

* * *

Maxson was not so fond of the open Wasteland. In addition, he was not fond of the idea that he was knocking onto a door to an abandoned diner. Once he saw the face of a certain Paladin, he was rather impatient, but also polite.

“Well, I made it, except synths were in my direction.”

“Elder Maxson!” the man behind the door exclaimed excitedly. He placed his arms behind his back. He donned an orange jumpsuit, with the additional helmet.

“Welcome! I’m sure you’re excited for an OUTSTANDING luncheon!”

Maxson made his way through the door without hesitance and with a scowl on his face.

“Let’s get this over with, then back to the Institute.”

He took a seat in one of the broken booths. Danse opened the door to the kitchen. On his way in, the only thought in his head was, “I cannot mess this up. This is my chance to become Sentinel!”

However, once he entered the kitchen, he spotted a smoke emitting from the stove.

“My Brahmin!” he called.

He opened the oven to notice it had caught fire.

“The Brahmin is ruined!”

Out from the corner of his eye, he spotted Diamond City. An idea came across his mind.

“But what if… I were to purchase fast food at Dugout Inn and disguise it as my own cooking?”

He chuckled to himself.

“Delightful! I may be Sentinel in no time!”

The Paladin made his way to the window, attempting to crawl out, before Elder Maxson made his way into the kitchen.

“Paladin Danse!” He called.

“Elder Maxson!” he replied. “I was just stretching my legs. It is an effective part of the exercise.”

“Why is there smoke coming from the oven?”

Danse looked to the smoking baking box, before shaking his head.

“That’s not smoke, that’s steam. Steam from the steamed molerat we’re having!”

Maxson was confused, albeit he turned around and left the kitchen.

Danse hastily jumped out the window, before running to Diamond City.

* * *

 

Out emerged the Paladin, with small pieces that looked like chicken.

“Elder Maxson, I hope you’re ready for mouth watering cats.”

“I thought we were having molerat,” he said, impatiently.

“Oh, no, I said steamed cats.”

“You call feline meat steamed cats.”

“Yes. It’s a dialect.”

“From what region?”

“Rivet City.”

Maxson’s look was intimidating.

“I grew up in The Citadel and I never heard anything about steamed cats.”

Maxson tried so hard to cover up.

“No, not there, it’s specifically from the Muddy Rudder.”

Maxson had a certain grimace that made Danse’s heart drop.

“I see.”

They began to eat.

“You know, this cat tastes awfully similar to the Dugout Inn.”

“Oh, no, this is the recipe from the Muddy Rudder.”

“… For steamed cats.”

“Yes.”

“So, you call them steamed cats despite the fact they are obviously grilled and burnt to the crisp.”

His voice was rather direct.

“I do not appreciate that you do not trust me, Elder.”

Paladin Danse got up from his seat, before walking into the kitchen to collect himself. Moments later, he came back out. The door violently swung.

“Well, Elder, it was nice, but we must get back to the Institute.”

“Yes, we shall- Good lord! What is going on in there?”

Danse looked behind to notice the kitchen is on fire.

“Uh, Gomorrah workers?”

“Gomorrah workers?” Maxson yelled almost angrily.

"Gomorrah workers? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, working entirely within your kitchen?"

A slight pause was exchanged.

“May I see?” he asked, pleadingly. Danse took a moment, before replying “No.”

* * *

 

“I’m very pleased with your cooking, Paladin. Maybe I will consider a promotion for you.”

From up the building, a few involved Brotherhood soldiers had cried out:

“The building’s on fire!”

“No, men, it’s just Gomorrah workers.”

Elder Maxson smiled at Danse.

“Perhaps we may have another luncheon after the Institute is destroyed.”

“Ad Victoriam, Elder!”

“Ad Victoriam, Paladin!”

After Maxson had begun to walk towards his Vertibird, Danse immediately ran back inside. It is unknown if he had rescued all the involved Brotherhood Soldiers.

* * *

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> "Gomorrah workers? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, working entirely within your kitchen?" was suggested and quoted by Militem.


End file.
